Six signs that you’re misplacing your generosity with clients

Have you ever wanted to be extra specially generous to a client?

Have you ever had a client you wanted to be extra specially generous to? Maybe it’s someone on a fixed income, someone who’s struggling financially, or someone who really needs help. So you cut your rates, or do a lot of work you don’t normally do, or spend extra time with the client.

Don’t do it, and here’s why

My advice for you: don’t do it. Don’t be extra specially generous to clients.

Here’s why I give this advice. As a mediator, I’ve worked with people who’ve been extra specially generous to a client. Then something goes wrong, one of them sues the other, and they end up in court.

The generous person has often lost money on the project, been taken for granted by the client, or not received the generosity that they wanted to return – and now they have the extra annoyance, frustration, and energy drain of being in court. Bad feelings and resentment abound.

When I ask the generous person (in private) whether they’d do the same thing again, the answer is always a heartfelt “No!”

Six signs that you’re misplacing your generosity with clients and

Here are six signs that tell you you’re misplacing your generosity with clients. Three of them are behavioral, and three of them are emotional.

Scarred by a sociopathic coworker? Survive and thrive with these 9 tips

I worked with a sociopath once. He was a charming Southern good ol’ boy… and he was a bully. Maybe he wasn’t a sociopath in the clinical sense, but he had a lot of the traits: antisocial behavior, diminished empathy, diminished remorse, and disinhibited and bold behavior.

He blamed other people for his mistakes, and didn’t care. He blatantly took credit for other people’s work. He’d keep beating on you until he got what he wanted from you. The only people at the company who liked him were the upper management to whom he reported, because he didn’t show his behavior to them.

I wish I’d known what a colleague of mine, MC Easton, learned from dealing with (more than her fair share of) sociopaths in her life. She has a series of posts on her blog about how to avoid sociopaths, deal with them if you must, and survive them: http://mceaston.wordpress.com/tag/sociopaths/.

With MC’s permission, I’ve pulled out 9 tips from her blog, and my own experience, to help you survive sociopathic coworkers.

9 tips for surviving sociopathic coworkers

1. Drown them in sugar.
   Give them the admiration their narcissism needs, and assuage their fear of public humiliation. Then find a way to distance yourself from them.
2. Stare them dead in the… bridge of their nose.
   Survive a stare down by looking at the bridge of their nose. They can’t tell you’re not making eye contact, and you don’t get intimidated by their cold, dead gaze.

Five Tips for When You’re Fighting with your Business Partner

Case Study: Why Great Start-Ups Fail


A promising Internet startup was crumbling. They’d had to spend money they didn’t have to settle a lawsuit, their main client was three months past due on an important invoice, and the two principals weren’t talking to each other. With coaching through a mediation session, they resolve their problems and re-engage with each other and their business.

Case Study: Why Great Start-Ups Fail

1. Create your own mental space and perspective.
   Avoid emotional overload with techniques that allow you to see other people’s anger and anxiety, especially towards you, as not personal. For example, imagine the other person as far-away thunderstorm, a hard drive spinning up, or a friendly Golden Labrador.
2. Solve problems first, throw stones later.
   Remove sources of conflict by solving problems before assigning blame. Once the problem has been solved, you’ll have time to figure out who’s responsible without continued stress from the problem.
3. Blame yourself.
   No, really. Just for a moment, imagine you are contributing to the problem. If it’s true, change your own behavior and avoid conflict. Then forgive yourself and move on.
4. Bring in a conflict coach.
   Make a safe space to resolve your conflicts by bringing in someone who can help keep your problem-solving conversation productive and professional.
5. Reward yourself for doing dealing with conflict.
   Take the dread out of dealing with conflict by promising yourself a reward. After you deal with the conflict, give yourself the reward, even if it wasn’t as bad as you predicted.